My hair reeks of homosexuality.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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