went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
