i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
