My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
