Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
