I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
