I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
