I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
