honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
