I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
