jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize