Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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