how can u be prego again
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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