I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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