im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize