he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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