I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
