He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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