it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
