I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
