apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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