We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
