I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
