I could make wine with my vomit
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
