i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
