Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
