The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
