Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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