Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
