my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
