why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
