time to smoke my breakfast
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
