Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Randomize
