I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
