Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize