Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
