Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
