She's JV to your varsity
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
