what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Houston, we have a blender
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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