I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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