remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
