thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
