God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize