OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
should my penis look like a turkey
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize