you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
