Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
