doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
