I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize