You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
