He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
