I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize