How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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