Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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