haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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