conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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