i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
