dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
