I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize