I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
