i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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