just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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