wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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