It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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