I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
